Where to?

I'm in a rut.
I'm moving at the speed of backwards.
All my plans, are they plans at all?
Falter.
Father.
Why does he always pop up?
Who does he think he is?
Does he even care?
Maybe I shouldn't.
Meanwhile I'm here.
Still.
Where does the time go?
Where did my mind go?
Can't speak.
Can't dream.
Dreams are for the living.
Living is a luxury these days.

Denial

she walks in hollow acclimation
through the world they made for her
ventures naught for hesitation
wishing not to feel the pain

she took a piece of hardened cloth
and covered up her precious skin
bit by bit she'd covered all
hoping not to feel again

with non-translucent blackened covers
not a soul could penetrate
to find and wound her sacred self
at last all feeling had abated

so she walked, her vision blinded
cynical and callous she
decimated souls of others
free from feeling empathy

but freedom was the price she paid
her heart was bound and paralyzed
removed from hurt but also joy
too numb to feel her self, denied

so she walks in acclamation
through the world she made for her
wading deep in degradation
her only hope lies in the pain

Skin

skin of me
disease
hiding what
a husk
no soul
a self devoured
staring
at an empty shell
hell.
torture.
pain.
disgust.
can't trust
me, the me
diseased.